This is going to be a bit of a different post; it’s going to have three parts. First a little back story, then the important lesson I learned, and lastly a bit of a compare and contrast. Here goes.

This was a difficult week for me because I had a major spas out at Ditmars and 31st street during a busy lunch hour. I called my sister to ask what I thought was a simple question and instead opened Pandora’s box of all the unspoken animosity, jealousy, and bitterness that still existed between us. Needless to say I ended the call yelling her full name out loud making her sure prey for identity theft driven passersby. I blew it. After the Lord had dealt with me, I sent her several texts apologizing for my part. The nature of our relationship is that we usually have no communication unless one or the other needs help with something. And from past experience I knew that having offended her, I needed to let things lie for a while. She would contact me again when I was forgiven. This was Friday.

Saturday I still did not know how things stood between us. But I could not dwell on it. I had not finished my Sabbath preparations. Friday night I had made a long list of things I must do from when I woke up until 6pm, and the list seemed to keep growing. Not only that, but it was raining, and I had to make several trips to a store a few blocks away because a product that I had purchased was not functioning, and this was the first thing on my list to get done. At about 2pm I had a sudden urge to call a dear friend from PA that I had not spoken with in at least 2 months. I called and miraculously it was a wonderful time we spent talking. I even got most of the dishes done at the same time. By 5pm I realized I had to give up on about 3/4 of my list. I became frustrated with myself. You see I am currently out of work. I have had to deal with concerns of some that I was sitting home doing nothing all day. So I have this urge to prove them wrong. Almost a sick desire to win their respect or please them.  Just before Sabbath began I got myself ready, finished off one item from my list, and put my work away. We began Sabbath and I spent some time with the Lord after eating some dinner. I knew it was the phone call that delayed my progress, but I also realized what a beautiful gift that call had been for me. Not having many friends here it was like an arriving at an oasis after a journey through a sandstorm. It was a blessing from God, a gift. Then it hit me. I had thought I needed to work hard to earn my Sabbath, to deserve it. I thought that I needed to merit or deserve the beautiful gift that Sabbath had become for me. My frustration at failing to achieve the standard I’d set for myself suddenly was released to God. I let it go. I said, “I finally get it Lord. It’s just like Grace. A gift or favor that I did not deserve and could never earn.” This weeks sermon has added even more depth to this revelation. I don’t know if  anyone has felt this way about Sabbath, because probably the majority of folks are working very hard, but if there is anyone who has been hurt and made to feel like they didn’t “exhaust themselves enough for a 24 rest”, remember Grace. Remember that Sabbath is a taste of eternity, and that we never have deserved any part of eternity. But God in his mercy came down to us and gave to us what we did not deserve; he merited to us His perfectly righteously lived life.  Like the worship song says…”grace like rain falls down on me.”

Lastly,  I want to quickly compare two experiences I had this Sabbath in two seemly similar activities. For some reason, the Saturday part of Sabbath my husband and I usually spend it alone doing our own thing. And on Sunday we spend it together. Saturday I began to watch a movie called ————–(name protected to prevent spoiler alert). I knew it would be sad, but I rarely cry even with sad movies. I watched the entire thing with some water in my eyes, but no tears. When the last line was said, the floodgates were destroyed by torrents of my tears.  And the crazy thing is the last line was not sad. It was joyful, full of love and quite beautiful. However, it was like a slap in the face for me because it was describing a deep meaningful relationship shared by two sisters. It was everything I had always wanted since I was a small girl and never once experienced between my sister and I.   I cried for about 15 minutes. And I wrote a poem that is painful and not very complimentary of either me or my sister. But it was true. And as usual cathartic. God has restored the love in my heart for her once again. Sunday afternoon, my husband wanted to see a movie. It will also remain nameless. We both knew what it was about and that it would be a good family friendly based on a true story scenario. About 2o minutes into it, I could feel my heart clenching into a fist. I turned to my husband and said, ” Have you ever had that nervous feeling during a film when you feel like….” He cut me off there and said, “Yeah this is making me angry. I have been thinking about my own projects and what it would be like if this happened to my work and…this is not very relaxing.” “Turn it off now please,” I said. We were both so relieved. We found another activity to do that was relaxing and enjoyed the rest of our Sabbath.  I give this comparison to show that (1) any activity, even watching a movie, can be an opportunity for God to enter in and do a work in our deepest parts. However, that same activity, can be sabotage if we don’t allow God to be present with us during it. And (2) don’t be afraid to adjust plans a bit if something is not working out. Have several back up activities ready should one prove not restful at that particular time. Let the Holy Spirit be present. And enjoy what you are doing.

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